At least 3 or 4 times every day Leah comes up to me and says " Mommy I'm sorry you lost your Kobe." Is that the sweetest thing ever or what. It melts my heart and makes me want to cry all at the same time. I miss my little guy so much. Yesterday I took the cats and daisy to the vet. Just for checkups and they put daisy on some flower essences for grief and i asked the vet if i could have some too...daisy is pretty depressed and missing Kobe too...

my Kobe

I am still missing my little Kobe so much. By the time i'm done mourning my little dog you probably will be so sick of reading about him that you won't even check the blog anymore...that means i'm going to miss him for like the rest of my life. Life is just not the same without him and a part of me is gone forever.

A true Mountain Princess

Aren't you loving the princess dress and goulashes. Hopefully it is spelled right but you know what i'm talking about if it's not.

the tent cot

I got John this tent cot for his birthday and we originally thought it would be great to have for Kobe, but he never got a chance to try it out which makes me sad. So we decided to set it up and try it out. the girls love it!

The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep.
Then will you do what must be done,
For this, the last battle, can't be won.

You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay you hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.

Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end.

And hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree,
It is a kindness you do to me.

Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.

Don't grieve that it must be you,
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

author Unknown

Mindy sent me this poem and it really touched me and made my cry of course. I thought I would share it with you.

my feelings

Today has been much the same as yesterday. shitty...I have been crying all day. I didn't know what to do with my self so i walked about 6 miles on the dirt road today. Then I went to reno and got some frames to frame some pictures of Kobe and then I cried some more. I also broke down crying in the frame store isn't that nice. Tonight I have been looking at urns on the internet and none of them seem to be right. I guess I'll have to keep looking. but that makes me cry too. this sucks for lack of a better word. I can't sleep in the bed and I can't even lay my head on my pillow. It makes me so sad since Kobe has been sleeping in the bed next to me longer than John has. He always slept on my pillow unless it was cold then he would get under the covers and snuggle up. God i miss him so much sometimes i think i might die of heartache. I feel so totally lost and I don't know what to do. I should be taking care of my kids but i can't. My head knows this was all the right thing to do but my heart is just so broken and empty. Kobe was always in my arms and he was so sweet. He had the softest hair and the sweetest little kiss. He did give me one last kiss before he went and I was so thankful to him for that. I just can't do this but some how I have to. but I don't know how.....

My baby's gone.

Kobe passed away today. My heart is bleeding and i don't know how to stop it and the tears just don't end. My little guy fought the fight and won as far as i'm concerned. He outlived all expectations. He had been doing not so great for a while, but hanging in there. 4 days ago he started to go down hill again and then when I woke up this morning he was doing really bad. My vet was closed today so I found a good vet up in truckee and they had us come to their house and he examined Kobe and we decided that the best thing would be to put him out of his misery. These pictures were taken just before. I was able to lay in the grass with him and tell him he was going to heaven and i'd see him when i got there and there would be no more pain. Then we put him to sleep. He went so quickly and quietely. I really felt in my heart that he was ready to go. He was so tired from fighting for so long. I'm thankful for that, but my heart (and my head) hurt so bad. I miss my baby so much. Not to mention that today is Sam's first bday and we had a great party planned that obviously didn't happen. So you'll have to wait till next year for bday pictures. maybe later i'll put her cute little party hat on and take a picture..Happy Birthday Sammy, Ray and Mason.

A bear

So yesterday John was cleaning out the coolers and put the bag of trash in the back of his truck and not long after we had a bear in our driveway getting the trash. John went and scared him off and not 10 minutes later he was back again so John went back out and scared him off again. Then when I took the dogs out this morning i walked by my truck and there were bear prints all over my car from where he was trying to break in. He even got dirt all over the handle like he was trying to open it. I might have to start locking my car i guess so that the bears don't break in.!!! Leah even got to see the bear last night and thought that was pretty cool...

The many faces of Sammy

This one cracks me up

Sam makes so many faces. It is so cute and always makes me laugh when she goes from one pose to the next like she did here...

John's job

Yesterday we went to the summit to have lunch with John and Bug at a job they are working at. It was amazing. The man who owns it has 3000 acres and a beautiful house. The views were spectacular with wild flower fields everywhere you turn. The pier is unfinished but i put a picture in anyways. Oh and the girls being cute as always.

Hot August Nights

Our friends came down from Washington and we went to see the old cars at hot august nights. It's a big event every year the first part of august and old cars from all over come and do parades and show off their cars. It's really cool...my favorite this year was a huge car and i don't know what it was, but it looked like a car from the great gatsby. It had a swan as the hood ornament. it was so awesome and huge.

Birthday week!

Sam after going underwater
gray gray
Mason
Payton
The first week in August is full of birthdays. We had a big pool party to celebrate them. Lindsey, Luke and John. Lots of swimming and good food and we had a great time.

Sorry!

I am really sorry to everyone out there who checks in on me through the blog...I have been trying to sign on for like 2 weeks and it hasn't let me sign in so I haven't been able to update...so here is a sum up of my life recently...we have been having lots of fun and my sister came to visit for a week. it was wonderful. then next week is birthday week. starting with lindseys parents bday on the 31st. lindseys bday on the 1st, luke's bday on the 2nd, John's on the 5th, and then sam, my brother and mason's on the 16th...lots of party's...i did sam's invitations on sendoutcards.com/lindseyragan today and they turned out so cute. I am really happy with them. John's best friend and family are coming down from washington on saturday and we are so excited they will be here for John's bday. onto Kobe he's not doing so good. He stayed up and walked circles for over 24 hours. he couldn't see and was hitting the walls like a bowling ball. it was terrible. so off to the vet for more blood work. the results were very high wbc, and very week small rbc. so off to the vet in the morning for more blood work and on friday to the eye dr. the rollar coaster is aweful. my sweet baby does not feel good at all...think of him please. thanks.

Our new gazebo

My mom came up this morning and we had english muffins and gravy. and that is the gravy my grandmother taught me how to make, the good southern kind...it's goooood....then John, Kim and I went outside and started working on the floor of the gazebo. 10 loads of dirt and 400 pavers later we have a beautiful gazebo...we ate dinner out there last night for Kim's last night. we had ribs from ruby river and they were so good...the gazebo looks so good and it was all John's idea to put a floor in. I love it so much. the gazebo has mosquito netting so the bugs won't eat me alive. I get eaten alive and this makes it much better.

My sister

the waterpark was really fun until Leah fell and skinned her knees.

My sister has been here for the last week and we have had so much fun. The girls just love her to pieces and Leah keeps asking where Aunt Kim is...we really enjoyed the visit and can't wait till she comes back again.

Lake Tahoe

We went around the lake with my sister. We stopped and played on the beaches and had lots of fun...

The Park

We went to the park and hung out with Luke and Jenn and Brett and Eric and Tina and Mason...it was fun...lots of great pictures. here are a few...

Go Diego Go!

Lindsey, Mindy and I and all the kids went to see go diego go...leah loved it and had a really good time. I did too.!!!

little bird

This little bird hit our window this past weekend. and it hung out for a long time before it flew away. Leah and John sat next to it till it decided to take off...He's really pretty. I have no idea what kind i need to pull out my bird book and have a look.

Our new stairs!

We have completed the stairs. I love them. we still need to do some landscaping around them but that will come later.