my feelings

Today has been much the same as yesterday. shitty...I have been crying all day. I didn't know what to do with my self so i walked about 6 miles on the dirt road today. Then I went to reno and got some frames to frame some pictures of Kobe and then I cried some more. I also broke down crying in the frame store isn't that nice. Tonight I have been looking at urns on the internet and none of them seem to be right. I guess I'll have to keep looking. but that makes me cry too. this sucks for lack of a better word. I can't sleep in the bed and I can't even lay my head on my pillow. It makes me so sad since Kobe has been sleeping in the bed next to me longer than John has. He always slept on my pillow unless it was cold then he would get under the covers and snuggle up. God i miss him so much sometimes i think i might die of heartache. I feel so totally lost and I don't know what to do. I should be taking care of my kids but i can't. My head knows this was all the right thing to do but my heart is just so broken and empty. Kobe was always in my arms and he was so sweet. He had the softest hair and the sweetest little kiss. He did give me one last kiss before he went and I was so thankful to him for that. I just can't do this but some how I have to. but I don't know how.....